Archive | Marriage

Forgetting And Forgiving The Past

By Heather on April 8, 2013 in blog, Marriage, Marriage Monday

Forgetting and Forgiving the Past

We have all heard the phrase, “The people closest to you are the ones that hurt you the most.” This could not be more true to when applied to marriages. For many of us, our spouses are more than just our marriage partners, but they are also the ones we call our best friend. They know us better than anyone, and they are the ones that we are the most vulnerable to.

I think that is why the hurt stings so much when we feel let down, disappointing, or betrayed. Hurt in a marriage is an inevitability. Spouses get upset and lash out in anger, a misunderstanding turns into someone feeling neglected… the list goes on. We deal with a multitude of craziness that can make a marriage interesting.

The Apostle Paul wrote a power scripture in Philippeans 3:13 “Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead.” This is coming from the man who wrote over half of the New Testament and he said that the only thing that he had managed to grasp was forgetting the past.

This is something that we should apply to our marriages. We have to learn to forgive our spouses, and not hold the hurt against them. I know of too many marriages where bitterness has set in because of hurts that happened years ago. We can learn from past mistakes without holding onto the hurt. Not forgetting and forgiving those hurts will allow offenses that happened years ago to chip away at our marriages.

Something to remember is that forgiveness is not a passive force. We have to make the conscious decision to forgive someone and many times that first step is a leap of faith. In fact, there are many times when we flat out don’t want to forgive. It is during those times that we have an opportunity to show our spouses how much we love them, despite their obvious imperfections.

Let’s face it, our spouses do have their imperfections. We had been married for less than 24 hours when we had our first disagreement. It didn’t last long, and looking back it was silly what we disagreed over. That said, it still showed us how easy it can be for a couple to upset, hurt, or offend each other.

Comments { 3 }

Fixing What Never Should Have Been Broken!

By Heather on April 6, 2013 in Marriage, Parenting

I recently shared the beginning of our story. You can read my thoughts about what happens when others get a say instead of God. I talked about how we got things “fixed”. When the truth is we really broke something they God never intended for my husband and I to break. After we left the office is when things needed fixed.

Fixing Something That Never Should Have Been Broken ~ TheJoyfulFamily.com

If you have ever priced having things reversed it isn’t cheap. When the twins were around 2 I started really researching it. However, at the time the price seemed too much for us to handle. Over time that dream got put on the shelf. That is where it sat for the last 3 years. Just within the last 6 months have a seriously been looking into it again.

I knew that if this is what we were supposed to do God would provide the finances, and the healing that we needed. To secure your appointment you have to put down a nice size deposit. The money came through and we took that first step. They scheduled us for the end of April. Then, me and all my impatience stalked the appointments, just praying for a cancellation. It wasn’t 2 days and an appointment opened up for February…I snagged it. This also meant that I…no God had just a couple weeks to pull together the remaining funds needed the day of the surgery. We received word of a check coming that would cover everything we need plus some. I was beyond thrilled. God not only set our appointment up in record time, but provided the money to pay cash for the procedure.

The day came, and off we went. I was so excited I couldn’t sleep. My hubs on the other hand would get excited once it was all over. We were finally getting the restoration our hearts had longed for the past 6 years! We received one of the best reports that a couple could ask for. Our chances of finally getting to add to our family were 99%. One doctor had told us that things were only working at 50% before the original surgery, yet now after this my husband was in better shape than before. Isn’t that just like God?! Not only to show up but to show off just how amazingly awesome He is!

God has a plan for our family, and it is bigger than my mind could ever ask or think. He is in the business of miracles. If you have faith and believe, He can do so much more than we ever thought possible. Part 3 of our story is coming soon!

Comments { 3 }

What Happens When Others Get A Say Instead Of God?

By Heather on March 28, 2013 in Marriage, Parenting

Have you ever made a mistake so huge you feel as if your heart could break? This is my journey of being young, naive, and letting people who opinions shouldn’t matter have a bit too much say in your life.

Have you stopped and asked God what His plan is for your family? - thejoyfulfamily.com

If it is true that age is a matter of perspective, then at that time I was the most young immature girl in the world. My husband and I had just welcomed our twins into our family in January. With them being baby 3 and 4 in our family, the comments immediately began. Are you all finished? This is it right….you are going to get this taken care of? So, when is the surgery to have this “fixed”. At the time I let all of these people’s opinions shape the direction of my family.

The boys were born in January and in November my husband lost his job. We had 30 days before our medical insurance would be canceled. Not knowing what all we would be faced with, we quickly made every check up and dental appointment for the 6 of us that could be squeezed in. In the midst of all those appointments, was the one that we would both regret the moment we left the office. We went and got things “fixed”. I remember leaving that office and thinking we just made the biggest mistake of our marriage yet.

Why is it that we allow people who shouldn’t matter to influence the decisions of our families. What I have learned from this entire experience is that no one’s opinion matters except God’s. In the midst of all the opinions, did I ever stop and ask HIM what his opinion was for my family? No, I let people who I see once or twice a year impact something that was none of their business. Why do people think they have a right to comment on the size of my family? They don’t!

If you are young and on the fence about a major family decision, I encourage you to seek the Father about what to do. Block out the millions of opinions of people who shouldn’t have a say. Get alone with your spouse and pray about the direction you are supposed to take. I pray none of you have to endure the regret and frustration that I have had on my journey.

However, I know my God is faithful and FULL of grace. Even when we mess up with something that seems can’t be undone, He is there in the midst. My story isn’t over, and I can’t wait to share the next part of our journey!

Comments { 6 }