Forgetting And Forgiving The Past

Forgetting and Forgiving the Past

We have all heard the phrase, “The people closest to you are the ones that hurt you the most.” This could not be more true to when applied to marriages. For many of us, our spouses are more than just our marriage partners, but they are also the ones we call our best friend. They know us better than anyone, and they are the ones that we are the most vulnerable to.

Forgetting and Forgiving The Past

I think that is why the hurt stings so much when we feel let down, disappointing, or betrayed. Hurt in a marriage is an inevitability. Spouses get upset and lash out in anger, a misunderstanding turns into someone feeling neglected… the list goes on. We deal with a multitude of craziness that can make a marriage interesting.

The Apostle Paul wrote a power scripture in Philippeans 3:13 “Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead.” This is coming from the man who wrote over half of the New Testament and he said that the only thing that he had managed to grasp was forgetting the past.

This is something that we should apply to our marriages. We have to learn to forgive our spouses, and not hold the hurt against them. I know of too many marriages where bitterness has set in because of hurts that happened years ago. We can learn from past mistakes without holding onto the hurt. Not forgetting and forgiving those hurts will allow offenses that happened years ago to chip away at our marriages.

Something to remember is that forgiveness is not a passive force. We have to make the conscious decision to forgive someone and many times that first step is a leap of faith. In fact, there are many times when we flat out don’t want to forgive. It is during those times that we have an opportunity to show our spouses how much we love them, despite their obvious imperfections.

Let’s face it, our spouses do have their imperfections. We had been married for less than 24 hours when we had our first disagreement. It didn’t last long, and looking back it was silly what we disagreed over. That said, it still showed us how easy it can be for a couple to upset, hurt, or offend each other.


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About Heather

I am a wife of 12 years to my best friend, mom to 5 incredible little ones, and a daughter of the King! Join me on my journey as I strive to serve the Lord with all my heart and live my life to the fullest!

3 Responses to Forgetting And Forgiving The Past

  1. Jeff April 8, 2013 at 1:29 pm #

    Thank you for the continual reflection on marriage. My wife and I have been actively engaging internal communications that reflect our feelings with each others choices. We are seeking ourselves deeper. We are communicating verbally how we feel when differences arise. I seem to stand on the motive to be right. Whereas my wife stands on the motive to win. It has answered my internal question “Why does she always have the last word.” And this also answered her internal question “why do I get lectured.”
    Thank you for the constant reminder to pier into the marriage “folder” and reflect and grow.

  2. Kerry Kerr McAvoy April 8, 2013 at 2:53 pm #

    I think marriage (in addition to parenthood) has been one of the toughest things I have ever undertaken. I read a great quote recently that really captured the necessary sacrifice involved. Thomas Lewis’ in his book, The General Theory of Love, wrote that it isn’t a 50/50 proposition, rather it is a 100/100 percent requirement. I completely agree. I believe God has used my almost 30 years of marriage to stretch me in unexpected ways. It has made me more patient, understanding and accepting of others. It regularly requires me to put my needs aside on the behalf of another, which has made me more, not less of a person.

    Thank you for sharing this timeless reminder.

  3. Amber @ Classic Housewife April 8, 2013 at 7:26 pm #

    Excellent post, so wise. It’s hard to forgive when you still feel hurt, we have to move past the hurt to be able to forgive.

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